I saw Donnie at lunch. Down at the elephant in Park blocks. He was talking to some dirt bag. I dropped the latest Willamette Week in his lap and he freaked out. It's got a big picture of the streetcar on the cover and a really scary story!
"I'm eating! I'm tryin' to rest here and hang out, and you bring this...FILTH to me? This is what you bring me? Leave me alone. I gotta stare at that thing enough all day long."
Then he grabbed it our of my hand and started reading the story.
"What is this bullshit?"
Donnie don't read so good, but he likes pictures.
"Check out this Joey driving! I toasted his ass last night! He's a lifer. 'Hello Joey!'"
Well, we started reading the story - I read it out loud - and you are not gonna believe this. They're expanding the gd streetcar to the Eastside! Like taking over our entire turf in SW and NW was not enough. Now they're going Eastside! Donnie got downright livid when he saw the map.
"I spend half my day trying to kick the ass of every Joey there is over here, I run constantly up and down the street keeping people safe from these things, and now you tell me I gotta patrol on the Eastside too? What is this, the olympics? This is bullshit."
Donnie lit up a smoke and we pored over the map.
The streetcar is gonna go over the Broadway Bridge.
Donnie softened a bit when he saw that.
"Yo, look at that! That is gonna be so awesome at night! You ever run over Fremont at night? Man, that is cool! Phil and I used to do that."
My east side brothers and sisters, prepare to serve in the ranks. You are about to be invaded by the streetcar industrial complex.
But we are coming to help. We will prevail.
We will help you. We will show you how to beat the machines.
Donnie will show you.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
The Monsters Come Out at Night
Was out late last night. Looking for Donnie. Bug said Donnie was hanging out in the Lincoln Tunnel, but I didn't see him. I decided to do a quick lap and go to bed.
Jacking at night is harder because there's no traffic and the streetcar goes fast. There's nothing to slow it down. You gotta be on your game and sparky.
I picked up a lifer at Powell's and the guy was crawling like a pilgrim. I was swinging all over the place trying to pick up miles. Got bored.
Sprinted down the echo chamber. Couldn't tempt him. He was crawling along - playing with me. These drivers now are on strict orders not to respond to jackers. Trouble is if they slow the streetcar down any more my 98 year old grandmother could jack. And she doesn't even like to run.
I had a funny feeling, but sure enough as soon as we rounded Phil's, Joey levered down and dropped me like a crowbar. Bastard. I chased him all the way up Northrup and passed him at the light before punching out for the night.
I like running at night. That's when the monsters come out.
Jacking at night is harder because there's no traffic and the streetcar goes fast. There's nothing to slow it down. You gotta be on your game and sparky.
I picked up a lifer at Powell's and the guy was crawling like a pilgrim. I was swinging all over the place trying to pick up miles. Got bored.
Sprinted down the echo chamber. Couldn't tempt him. He was crawling along - playing with me. These drivers now are on strict orders not to respond to jackers. Trouble is if they slow the streetcar down any more my 98 year old grandmother could jack. And she doesn't even like to run.
I had a funny feeling, but sure enough as soon as we rounded Phil's, Joey levered down and dropped me like a crowbar. Bastard. I chased him all the way up Northrup and passed him at the light before punching out for the night.
I like running at night. That's when the monsters come out.
Friday, September 14, 2007
The Lingo
Any good game creates its own world, usually described with language. Ours is no different. Here are some of the terms you should know. And you are encouraged to invent your own.
A bean is a green streetcar. Also known as green bean.
A christian is similar to ping pong but harder. At SW 10th and Market, two streetcars can "cross" each other. If you find yourself lucky enough to catch two of the steely-snouted beasts at this intersection, and they cross paths, here's what you have to do. First run at least one full block with the one you are following, then go back and get the one you are not following and run with it for a full block, then catch back up with the one you are following. Not only is a christian hard, it's extremely rare.
The echo chamber is the block on NW 10th between Hoyt and Irving that passes the Ecotrust building. This is the first all out sprint on the back nine.
A jacker is what you are - the runner. You jack, i.e., hijack, i.e., catch and pass the streetcar. Sometimes you'll hear Donnie say, "I jacked two beans and got a christian." Translation: He caught two green streetcars, then got a christian. That's a busy morning for a kid like Donnie.
Joey is a generic term for any driver, male or female, whether that's their name or not. Donnie'll be sitting there and a car comes around the corner and he goes "Here comes Joey." I think when Donnie was a kid someone named Joey used to beat the crap out of him.
An orange streetcar is a juice.
Any time you are more than three blocks behind a streetcar and you take up the chase and catch up to it, you've got ketchup. This gets very hard to do late in the game. If you make it, turn and ask your partner, "Fries with that?"
A lifer is a driver who looks like s/he has spent her/his entire life in the machine. They can't help it, it's not their fault. But you'll know a lifer when you see one.
The Lincoln Tunnel is the parking garage between SW 10th and SW Park that connects through from SW Salmon to SW Taylor. If you are running along with the streetcar down SW 10th, you can take a right onto SW Salmon, then turn left into the parking garage, run through it and you come out on SW Taylor. Bang a left back onto SW 1oth. Running through here is also known as "going to New York". Sometimes Donnie yells "City!" and I know he's going to the Lincoln Tunnel.
A photo finish is when you are sprinting north on SW 10th trying to make the light at Powell's on Burnside. If the light is going red just as you get across Burnside, that's a photo finish.
Ping Pong is when you are running along with the streetcar and you see another streetcar going the other way. In the Pearl the tracks are only one block apart. In outer NW the tracks are two blocks apart. If you leave the streetcar you are chasing, go over and catch the other one and run with it for a few paces, then turn around and catch the original one again, that's ping pong.
Phil's is the corner of NW 10th and Northrup, where the streetcar turns west onto a long uphill straightaway that goes all the way to NW 23rd. You need a good lead at Phil's or you're toast. Phil's is named after Phil Bonarelli - Tony's brother. Phil was one of the early jackers, but he got hit by a Fedex truck a few years back at that very corner. He didn't die or nothin'. But he doesn't jack any more. Everyone's in a hurry these days, especially Fedex.
A pirate is when you jump inside the streetcar to rest for a stop or two. Definitely not encouraged, but sometimes things get desperate. A pirate is better than having to lose a streetcar. So if you're falling apart, jump inside for a bit.
Railing is running in the street in between the streetcar tracks. Don't do it. It's dangerous. Donnie does it all the time. Donnie's nuts.
Swinging is when you detour off the streetcar line to add distance. If the streetcar is going real slow, you might be able to swing a block over and get back before it passes. Swinging at night is the hardest to do.
A bean is a green streetcar. Also known as green bean.
A christian is similar to ping pong but harder. At SW 10th and Market, two streetcars can "cross" each other. If you find yourself lucky enough to catch two of the steely-snouted beasts at this intersection, and they cross paths, here's what you have to do. First run at least one full block with the one you are following, then go back and get the one you are not following and run with it for a full block, then catch back up with the one you are following. Not only is a christian hard, it's extremely rare.
The echo chamber is the block on NW 10th between Hoyt and Irving that passes the Ecotrust building. This is the first all out sprint on the back nine.
A jacker is what you are - the runner. You jack, i.e., hijack, i.e., catch and pass the streetcar. Sometimes you'll hear Donnie say, "I jacked two beans and got a christian." Translation: He caught two green streetcars, then got a christian. That's a busy morning for a kid like Donnie.
Joey is a generic term for any driver, male or female, whether that's their name or not. Donnie'll be sitting there and a car comes around the corner and he goes "Here comes Joey." I think when Donnie was a kid someone named Joey used to beat the crap out of him.
An orange streetcar is a juice.
Any time you are more than three blocks behind a streetcar and you take up the chase and catch up to it, you've got ketchup. This gets very hard to do late in the game. If you make it, turn and ask your partner, "Fries with that?"
A lifer is a driver who looks like s/he has spent her/his entire life in the machine. They can't help it, it's not their fault. But you'll know a lifer when you see one.
The Lincoln Tunnel is the parking garage between SW 10th and SW Park that connects through from SW Salmon to SW Taylor. If you are running along with the streetcar down SW 10th, you can take a right onto SW Salmon, then turn left into the parking garage, run through it and you come out on SW Taylor. Bang a left back onto SW 1oth. Running through here is also known as "going to New York". Sometimes Donnie yells "City!" and I know he's going to the Lincoln Tunnel.
A photo finish is when you are sprinting north on SW 10th trying to make the light at Powell's on Burnside. If the light is going red just as you get across Burnside, that's a photo finish.
Ping Pong is when you are running along with the streetcar and you see another streetcar going the other way. In the Pearl the tracks are only one block apart. In outer NW the tracks are two blocks apart. If you leave the streetcar you are chasing, go over and catch the other one and run with it for a few paces, then turn around and catch the original one again, that's ping pong.
Phil's is the corner of NW 10th and Northrup, where the streetcar turns west onto a long uphill straightaway that goes all the way to NW 23rd. You need a good lead at Phil's or you're toast. Phil's is named after Phil Bonarelli - Tony's brother. Phil was one of the early jackers, but he got hit by a Fedex truck a few years back at that very corner. He didn't die or nothin'. But he doesn't jack any more. Everyone's in a hurry these days, especially Fedex.
A pirate is when you jump inside the streetcar to rest for a stop or two. Definitely not encouraged, but sometimes things get desperate. A pirate is better than having to lose a streetcar. So if you're falling apart, jump inside for a bit.
Railing is running in the street in between the streetcar tracks. Don't do it. It's dangerous. Donnie does it all the time. Donnie's nuts.
Swinging is when you detour off the streetcar line to add distance. If the streetcar is going real slow, you might be able to swing a block over and get back before it passes. Swinging at night is the hardest to do.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
So Many Streetcars, So Little Time
Don't they look gorgeous and sleek and...slow? Eminently catchable.
Is this how a dog feels surrounded by fire hydrants?!
So many colors, locations, and POINTS! Where do you even begin?
Enjoy the calm while you can, my pretty machines.
The humans are coming...
Welcome to the Game
If you live in Portland, Oregon, you probably know all about the city's great streetcar system that goes through the SW and NW neighborhoods downtown. Check out the map.
What you may NOT know is that the streetcar provides one of the great urban running games of all time. If you know how to find it.
Sure, they built the streetcar to transport people. But it's much more fun to run alongside the thing.
The game is pretty simple. You chase the streetcar. You beat the streetcar. You stay ahead of the streetcar. Humans good, machines bad.
Think of it as part scavenger hunt, part kick the can, and part hide and seek. Combined with a track workout.
Are you ready to take back the streets? The best public transit system is RUNNING! Run, o fleet-footed humans! Run!
Who? You.
Why? Because we can.
Where? Anywhere the streetcar goes.
When? As often as possible.
Ready?
Introducing...THE RULES
Of course there are no rules. It's all about anarchy. Make up your own rules. But here are a few suggestions...
1 - Stay ahead of the streetcar.
This is a matter of honor and the point of the whole game. The streetcar is a machine and, well, we're better than the machines. Show you're better. Stay ahead.
Think of John Henry. Do you like to "race against the machine"? Then by all means stay AHEAD - even just barely ahead - of the soulless machines. Flesh and blood must win out against glass and steel. Stay ahead!
How many laps around the circuit can you do and stay ahead? One? Two? Four? Aha - you'll find out!
2 - Run on the sidewalk.
Don't run in the street or get right in front of the streetcar. That makes the driver very angry . It's dangerous and will quit possibly result in your early retirement from the game and life.
3 - Watch out for pedestrians.
A lot of the time you will be flat out sprinting to beat the machines. However, in your excitement do not offend the law-abiding citizens who are on the sidewalk. Be careful. Don't hurdle over any old ladies. Be respectful. In general people will support us as the heroic underdog rebels in our quest to beat the machines - but not if you run into them.
4 - Have fun.
This one WILL be enforced. The game is so much fun you don't even realize how hard you're running. Try it, you'll like it.
More soon on game variations, special lingo, course peculiarities and of course, the points system.
Any good game has points, right?
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